“They ain’t no good!” “Men are all dogs!” “A good man is hard to find.” Far too often these words come from black women in reference to black men. There are endless tales of black women who can’t find a decent black man anywhere in America. Apparently, according to a line from the popular film Save the Last Dance (2001), they have been taken from us by “jail, drugs and drive-bys.” So, what are black women left to do besides sit and lament the fact that there are no more good men of color left? I am not completely certain, but I know that we should not spend our time bashing them.
Perhaps one of the greatest illustrations of this comes from the 1995 m
ovie Waiting to Exhale. The movie is about four beautiful successful black women who have everything except fulfilling love lives. The reason – all eligible black men are defective in some way. At one point in the movie they give a list of all the things that are wrong with black men. They are in jail. They are too possessive. They are with white women. They are gay. They are unemployed (Hutchinson, 1996). This list seemed to be exhaustive. It is as if the whole black community is devoid of any good black men.
It doesn’t stop there. There are many books written by black women that depict black men as antagonists. The Color Purple by Alice Walker has Mister as the indomitable villain, and The Women of Brewster Place and For Colored Girls show black men as unstable, irresponsible liars or no account drunkards.
We expect this kind of talk from “The Man” or the mainstream media, but when it comes from sistahs, it hurts just a little bit more. As Black women we are supposed to love our men. I would never excuse bad behavior but, honestly, black men get enough bashing from society at large. When they come home they should get acceptance and comfort not more of the same especially if they are doing the best they can.
References
Hutchinson, E. O. (1996). The assassination of the black male image. New York, NY: Touchstone.
FROM BOYZ 2 MEN, INC. 